I am Carrie, the wife of a sex addict and a recovering co-dependent. I have learned I am valuable to many more people than I ever could have imagined I was, and especially to God. I have worth and can live my own life without fear of disapproval or wrath and without a feeling that someone other than myself and God has control over what I say, do, or feel. This has been quite a process, and I am definitely not finished yet and may never be finished until I reach glory. But, as long as I am growing, learning, and changing the person I am, “ME”, then I know I am on the right track.

There has been a fear of change. It’s hard to change things you have been doing almost all your life. It is interesting that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. So many times, I repeated the same unhealthy things expecting that this time I would get it right or that someone would hear me and change (Controlling Behavior). I was totally oblivious to the fact that I was the one who needed to change the way I was acting and thinking (Denial). What a glorious day when I finally realized I was so miserable because of the way “I” was handling things, not because of the way those around me were behaving. I can’t change the way other people are, but I can change the way I think about other people (Admitting Powerlessness). That is how simple Step 1 of the 12 Steps is. It’s easier said than done sometimes, but it’s worth taking the time to learn from someone who has been where you are – wondering what this 12 Step stuff is all about. I’m glad I did.

One of this things I learned in the Partners in Process group is that I am not alone in this painful discovery of sexual and emotional infidelity in my marriage. I found that there are many other women who have had experiences similar to mine. The details of each woman’s story differ, but the pain is the same and very real. I found a bond with loving, caring women that spans so many other things in life. It is uncanny how close I came to feel towards women I barely knew and how deep these relationships became while sharing things I didn’t think I could ever tell another living soul. I also found freedom from bondage in my other relationships that I never thought possible. I learned how to have close, intimate relationships with friends, family, loved ones, and especially my own husband.

I know I will never let go of the things I have learned in Recovery. Even if my husband decides he doesn’t want Recovery, I know I will be OK. I can go on and not feel like my life is over or that I am a failure. I have respect for myself, and I have even learned to like myself again.